I want:

Experience: at least five years, unless you are very talented.

A stellar portfolio. Your family-photo album with blurry photos stays home. Portfolio must be current. "This is my old stuff, my new one was stolen", or "My new stuff is on my camera, but it's at home", will earn you a doorknob in the ass.

Must be very funny, enjoy caffeine and lively conversation.

You don't have to pretend-paint to work here. I want a kick-ass tattoo artist. I don't give a damn what you can do on canvas.

I am looking for someone who wants a permanent, long-term position in a shop whose reputation is built on good work and flawless customer service.

In summary: Please be really good, hysterically funny, and not an asshole. I am counting on you.

Thanks